And Max was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved Him best of all...

All day today I have been remembering lines from Sam's current favorite book, Where the Wild Things Are. The night Max wore his wolf suit he is sent to bed without any supper b/c he is making, "mischief of one kind and another". There is a picture of Max in his wolf suit chasing his dog with a fork. And, he says to his mother, "I'll eat you up!" He is sent to bed without any supper.
Today I have been thinking how much I am like Max. I am so much more like a toddler than God. God is ages and ages old. I am a blip. God is love. I am too often self centered. God is eternal. It is difficult for me to make good choices that have lasting implications for 10 years from now. I would rather enjoy today, chase all kinds of things around with a fork.
It helps me when I realize I am a baby in this world. 33 years next to God Almighty is very, very small.
At the end of Max's story, "Max is lonely and wants to be where someone loves him best of all."
In the mornings I try to pray a prayer from a Psalm, "let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love". I am lonely for that unfailing love of God. He loves me best of all. In my head I know it and sometimes it reaches my heart. I want more. I long to live in it. I long to love my God, my husband, my family, and my neighbors out of it. We love because He first loved us. Just felt like blogging that today.

When I Didn't Even Know to Ask For It.....

God knew what I would need, and want.

My Grandma Fisher moved in with our family around the time that I was in the 3rd grade. I have never met anyone quite like her and I am certain that I never will. She showed up at our door step with all of her possessions and said, "I'm moving in." (That's what my mom told me after I was an adult.) I had no idea until after college this is how it came about.

God knew what I would need and want when I didn't even know to ask for it. He knew that I wished for a woman's touch in the morning as I was getting ready for school. Someone who would love to cook my breakfast and hurry me along as I doddled the morning away.

My mom is a registered nurse and she is fantastic by the way. But, her shift started early in the morning. I had envied other kids having their mom's who actually cooked hot breakfast and sent them off to school. Dad just wasn't the same. So, God sent Grandma.

Anyway, she was a short, fiesty, hard working, no nonsense, hilarious Italian woman who became like another parent to me. I was so happy when she came to stay at our house. She spoiled me rotten my whole life. Buying me too much stuff. Making meals just the way I liked them. Putting up with entirely too much "back talk". Ironing my clothes to perfection when I was a teenager. I still can't iron very well at least not compared to her. Grandma would have given me the shirt off her back if I had needed it. Grandma loved me. And, I loved her.

She stayed with our family until my dad passed away eleven years ago (can that really be, eleven years?). And then, moved out just the way she had come, no discussion. She just packed and left.

At first I was angry and hurt. Over time I think I understood though. It was too much for her to be in the house where she and Dad had been day after day for a little over the previous decade. It was too much for a mother to lose her son. She used to tell me, "no mother should have to bury her child at any age."

Four years ago she was diagnosed with throat and lung cancer. (Yes, she had been a smoker). You can believe she deserved it if you like. I hope I don't get everything I deserve. And, I know the courage she had to muster together on the mornings she was to go to chemo and radiation and it still brings tears to my eyes. I hated to see the woman who had cared for me so faithfully go through the pain of cancer. I prayed for her every day during those days. And, I rejoiced when the treatments were over and the cancer withdrew.

This past March Grandma was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. She told me several times that once you have cancer you always have cancer. She knew it would return. In fact, I don't think she believed it ever really left.

Cancer the second time around doesn't offer as much hope as the first time. We all knew that. The doctor confirmed our fears. He said she would have between two and six months to live. And, he was right. She passed away at the end of June.

My mom and her husband, Ron, came out for a visit in April. We had the visit planned for many months before we knew Grandma was sick. I was able to make the trip back to Pennsylvania along with my two youngest kids not yet in school. I was away from Alex, Ada, and Joe for all of May and the first week of June. It was emotional. And, it was so meaningful. I am so grateful to God that I was able to have that time with her. We laughed and even cried (once). Grandma never liked to say the sappy stuff. So, I did. I told I loved her and I cried. And as I cried Grandma said, "YOU STOP THAT!!!!!" But, I couldn't. I had to tell her how much I was going to miss her.

And, I do miss her. I called her every day since we came home from Sudan. I knew I wouldn't have her forever. She took such good care of me. I think of calling her most mornings now. It is like old hat. It's sad and it's o.k. God gave me closure with her when I didn't even know to ask for it.

Twice in One Day!!

The past few days I have been battling stomach pain again. I guess I ate something that didn't agree with my system on Sunday afternoon. Anyway, my mom and her husband are coming out to visit us for a week. I had been doing pretty well getting the house ready until this little bout with my tummy. So, that said.....
This morning as I was downstairs cleaning the spare/toy room. Elie and Ada were cleaning their bedroom. Elie is only 4 and has trouble sticking to the task and decided to take a little break and invent a little game. The game was to try and throw up a little plastic thing she had found and try and catch it in her mouth. She was successful! And, she swallowed the little plastic thing.
I am not too calm in emergencies. I was happy that Alex happened to be here at that moment. She was breathing fine. But, we called the doctor and they said they should check her over to be sure she didn't aspirate the thing in her lung. She checked out ok. Now we have to watch for the little plastic thing to pass.
Well, here's round 2. I was cleaning again. Elie was going potty and starting crying histerically. She had a rubber band (from a punch ball that just broke) in her mouth. And, yep you guessed it, she just swallowed it. She seems to be breathing just fine and Alex and I are trying to decide if we can get up the nerve to take her back into the doctor or if we should just watch for the rubber band to pass too. I cannot believe this!

Where are God's people?

These thoughts piggy back on the thoughts of my last post. So, if you haven't read it please read it first.

Thoughts of hungry people all over the world seem to be haunting me. Every time I eat I cannot stop thinking of how rich I am and how rich my children are because we have an abudance of food to eat. We are planning to go out to supper tomorrow night to celebrate Adalynne's 9th birthday. We live an extravagant life!

Sunday morning I was teaching the kids in our children's church. I had been meditating on the words Jesus said as he overturned the tables in the temple, "my house will be called a house of prayer for the nations." I was looking for some ways to pray for nations with our kids. I chose to incorporate prayer into our snack time. I asked the children how many of them had eaten breakfast that morning and all of the children had. (On Wednesday nights we do have children who are not fed supper at home, here in America.) I pointed out that we were about to eat a few cookies for snack. I asked the children if they knew how rich they were b/c they had already had one meal and now were having a mid-morning snack. They seemed to connect with that thought. I led the children in a discussion about hunger in Egypt. And, then we prayed. The children prayed beautiful prayers full of faith. Joseph prayed that manna would fall from the sky in Egypt. That shocked me, I hadn't thought to pray that way! I was challenged by a child's faith.

Later, I had a talk with Joe. I told him that he was absolutely right to pray a prayer so full of faith for hungry people and that he challenged me. And, I told Him God could and might answer that prayer. But, I also wanted to plant a seed in Joe. God can do miracles! And, God wants his people to live a life that is impossible for them to live in their own strength so that His Father can be glorified. God wants his people to meet the needs of others and not merely live for themselves. Jesus said, "let your light shine before men that they might see your good works and glorify your Father who is in Heaven." He also said they will know us (his followers) by our love. We can give more than we give.

If we run after comfort and entertainment and food and fun what makes us any different from anyone else? Everyone does that. If we spend all of our money on our dreams, our desires, and our own families what makes us any different from anyone else? Eveyone does that.

A few months ago I listened to a presentation online that Sara Groves gave to a women's group in Minnesota. In her talk she referred to a person who is giving up his life to help others in need through International Justice Ministry. She said that this man used to struggle when he looked at pain suffering in the world and would ask, "where in the world is God?" But after some time he realized that he had been asking the wrong question. Now he asks, "where in the world are God's people?"

Never Gone to Bed Hungry

Friday morning I turned on public radio as I made my way through the hub bub of the morning in my kitchen. Public radio was already in the middle of a piece about hunger in the world. They specifically mentioned Eygpt, Cuba, and Haiti. Anyway, they were talking about a place where the children never miss school. And, the reason they never miss is because the school serves a meal of rice and beans fortified with vitamins daily. For these children that simple meal will be their only meal of the day. They went on to talk about people who come to the local hospital pretending to be in need of health care on the days the hospital will hand out food.

This story really gripped me. I have been thinking it over the past fews days. I cannot imagine being a parent unable to provide a meal for their child. The pain those parents must go through! They have to want to feed their child/children but cannot. I have never been hungry a day in my life. Yet, tonight all over the world even tonight many people do the best they can to quiet their starving, sleepy children.

My children to my shame can be pretty picky eaters. Often I ask them, "what do you want for lunch?" I have wondered if they would survive if we truly hit an economic crisis and all we could feed them was beans. I have heard that if you are hungry enough you will eat anything.

Sometimes I have complained and wished that we had a little more money. And yet my pantry is full of luxurious foods like chocolate chips, oil, honey, tortilla chips, not to mention the staples of bread, rice, vegetables, meat, etc. Having access to this much food is a real privilege.

I cannot imagine my husband having to fight for our family to have bread. Can you?

We spent 15 months in the country of Sudan. If you dial 911 there, no one is coming. I did not know before moving there what luxuries 911 and health insurance really are. If you are able to get your loved one to the hospital but do not have the money to pre-pay for the health care needed you will not get it. We had a dear friend from Malawi who needed a c-section and she could not have it until the money was in hand. If you cannot get the money then you die and so does your baby. I suppose if the hospitals help one impoverished person with free health care then what will they do with the next 500, 1,000, or 10,000. You get the idea.

God, help me to be thankful for what I have. God, help me to live a more selfless life so that others can have a little more of the things they need. God, help me live a loving life in front of my children. God, help me to make a difference in this world. God, save our country from our self-centered narrow-minded lives. God, feed the hungry tonight. God, provide for the sick and the dying. Amen.

Don't Want to Miss What He's Saying

In all of life God is working and He is doing something. He doesn’t just randomly act and His purpose will be accomplished. He is doing something in me and in you. Don’t miss it!
It seems like wherever I turn these days I am reading or hearing the question, "what is God saying to you through this?". And, I am being reminded not to miss the lesson or God in his mercy will keep repeating it.
I have been struggling with stomach pain that is probably an ulcer. I say probably b/c it acts like it but I have not had a scope to confirm it. Ulcers can be brought on through stress which is probably my case. Anyway, through this I have been able to examine thoughts under the surface that are contributing to this problem. To get specific I am a major people pleaser. When I don’t have approval from others it devistates me. One thing in the midst of this I hear God saying to me is to live for his aprroval alone.
I think I may have to come back and edit this blog and continue these thoughts b/c the baby I babysit is waking up. But, it has been so long I just wanted to write something. More later.

A Funny Elie Story

Sunday morning I was getting our 4 year old, Eleanor, ready for church. As I was helping her with her tights she said with concern in her voice, "mommy, I am getting some hair on my legs." I responded, "Why yes you are! That's what happens as we grow up. That means you are turning into a bigger girl." She said with a big sigh of relief, "oh, I thought that meant I was turning into a daddy!".

A Real Love Story

Alex, my husband, is in a group called Men's Fraternity. They meet on Tuesday mornings before work to encourage each other in loving God, their wives, and their children. This past week the man who led the meeting used this youtube video in his closing. Alex came home and shared it with me and it has really touched my heart. You might want to have a box of kleenex handy when you have the time to watch. It is about 10 mins. long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flRvsO8m_KI