Sad to say, but something I learned about myself while living in Sudan was when the going got tough I would blame God. The electricity would cut and I would think, "why didn't you stop this. I'm your missionary. I left the comforts of America. The least you could do for me is keep my electric going." My knee jerk reaction to suffering, difficulty, trials was not humility but pride. I was demanding. I was angry and resentful. I acted as if God owed me because I thought He did. So wrong and so so ugly.
This week I encountered an unexpected difficulty and I was disappointed to find that my knee jerk reaction once again is pride. At the very moment of my disappointment scripture, "count it all joy when you face trials and temptations of many kinds" immediately was my companion. I huffed and thought, "Count it all joy when You could have prevented this? You could've changed this! Why didn't you do it differently?" I am so ashamed of myself.
I am asking God for change. I am asking Him to give me a bent towards trust. I am asking Him to help me count it all joy. I want my knee jerk reaction to be humility. God have mercy on me.
God opposes the proud. He gives grace to the humble. Psalm 25:14, "The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear Him and He makes known to them His covenant."
Psalm 25:8, "Good and upright is the LORD; therefore He instructs sinners in the way . He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble His way. All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and His testimonies."
