A Funny Elie Story

Sunday morning I was getting our 4 year old, Eleanor, ready for church. As I was helping her with her tights she said with concern in her voice, "mommy, I am getting some hair on my legs." I responded, "Why yes you are! That's what happens as we grow up. That means you are turning into a bigger girl." She said with a big sigh of relief, "oh, I thought that meant I was turning into a daddy!".

A Real Love Story

Alex, my husband, is in a group called Men's Fraternity. They meet on Tuesday mornings before work to encourage each other in loving God, their wives, and their children. This past week the man who led the meeting used this youtube video in his closing. Alex came home and shared it with me and it has really touched my heart. You might want to have a box of kleenex handy when you have the time to watch. It is about 10 mins. long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flRvsO8m_KI

A Great Time!

About a month and a half ago I had a candle party. I found myself desiring the Hostess special for the month at a candle party I attended a few weeks before. I wanted this beautiful candlelit nativity and I couldn't even come close to affording it so I decided to have a party to receive the incentives offered. As I was writing out the invitations I felt so guilty. I was inviting my whole circle of friends, family, and acquaitances hoping to get this nativity set. Yes, I know the people who wanted to attend would attend but it just didn't sit well inviting people to a buying/selling party when I hadn't ever invited them to a party just for the sake of getting together.
Well, out of that experience grew a renewed desire to try and connect more with family, friends, and acquaintances just for the sake of getting together. I decided to throw a Christmas party for my daughter and all of the girls in her 2nd grade class. It was a precious experience. We had it at her Great Grandpa's apartment building in the atrium. It is a lovely place with high ceilings, sky lites, and live plants. As a bonus they also decorate at Christmas. I borrowed glass dishes with matching little cups from our church. I served sugar cookies, red and green sweet popcorn, and hot drinks including hot cocoa with loads of marshmallows. When the girls walked in it looked like they thought they walking into a magnificent ballroom as princesses. That alone may the day worth all the work!
I have a great reusable advent calendar that I took along to tell the story of Jesus being born. We sang many Christmas songs. And, the residents of the apartment building attended the party and added so much to the experience. We took turns sharing favorite memories of Christmas, traditions, and really anything we love about this special holiday. It was so fun being together.
We moms are going to plan more events like these where we spend time with our kids and their friends and get to know each other better.
My grandma says that when she was young friends and neighbors had potlucks and parties many Friday nights of every month. People just wanted to spend time together. Little kids would fall asleep on couches while older kids and adults played cards and danced and enjoyed good conversation. Now we like to go into our automatically opened garages, close the doors, and stay to ourselves. I know I do anyway.
It was really fulfilling and enjoyable to spend the day with my daughter and her friends yesterday. I hope it is the beginning of a new season filled with lots of great times with family and friends.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you!
Currently listening : A Charlie Brown Christmas By Vince Guaraldi Release date: 10 October, 2006

Hope for Orphans at Christmas

My mom was adopted in December of 1952 when she was just 3 days old. She has always viewed her adoption into a family who loved God and loved her as God's abundant provision and protection for her life. My grandpa and grandma openly discussed her adoption and the adoption of her siblings from different families. Around the time I was in high school a dream began to form in my heart, the desire to adopt. The Bible says, "God places the orphan into families". He also says, "true religion is to care for the orphan in their distress." Over the years this desire has not diminished but has grown for me. Some days tears and prayers flow like rivers as I think of children sitting, waiting to be loved.
If I could adopt from anywhere I would choose China. Little girls in China are literally thrown away like garbage or even drowned in rivers like unwanted puppies. Realistically, I will never be eligible to adopt from this country. They have 3 prerequisites: husband and wife must be at least 30 years old (this one my husband and I now fulfill), you must own your own home (we live in a home that our church owns so I don't know if that would count), must make a minimum of 30K per year and an addition 25 K per each child you have (this one kills us b/c we would have to make 130 K per year and as a pastor there is no way). So, in light of this we have discussed adopting from Khazakstan or Romania b/c their poilicies are less stringent.
The adoption process for adopting one child from another country ranges between $20,000-$35,000 for everything from preparing your dociet to paying for your flight. I am not writing this blog to discuss whether or not these requirement and fees are just. The plain fact is they are what they are and if I want to adopt I am going to jump through the existing hoops. Now, I do feel daunted and frustrated by the costs as they are a year's wage or more for our family. I have the desire and the mommy skill needed to love and orphan but lack the funding. If I could afford it I would be in the middle of the process today.
It seems like everywhere I turn people are discussing justice for people in poverty, the AIDS crisis, and orphans. Focus on the Family, Family Life Today, Steven Curtis Chapman, and many others are pleading for the people of God to care for orphans. I hope we can be a family who adopts. I hope you and your family will consider adoption or helping someone else who has the dream but may need help to do it.

If you would like to see some pictures of kids waiting to be adopted visit the photolisting at http://www.rainbowkids.org/ But, prepare to have your heart broken.

The Hope of Constancy

I am entering a sweet season with my husband and children that I hope to sieze while it lasts. Traditions are finally in place and it finally feels natural to be the mom setting the tone for the holiday season in our home. This new sense has finally emerged after going through several years of grief and significant life changes.

My senior year in high school I cried at every major holiday or event thinking this will be "my last....at home" Some of my family members teased me about this. And, I think I was pretty melodramatic. But, I didn't want things to change. Getting together with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins was the BEST! I wished we could all be together more often, that every day could feel like a holiday, and we could stay the same for always. I knew that was impossible and cried my way through it.

Since high school my family really has changed a lot. Some family members (including my dad) have passed away. There has also been loss due to divorce. We have also added to the family through many marriages and births. These losses and additions have been a lot to adjust to. Some adjustments have been easier than others. Some I have liked and some I haven't.

It is strange to be the mom buying the gifts and baking the cookies but I am finally getting used to it and I am really am enjoying it. I see my kids secure and enjoying the holidays. They are counting down to our trip to Pappy and Nana's. Wondering how long it will be until they get to play with Brooklyn, Amorie, and Rebekah? Are the new babies coming into the family this year going to be boys or girls? It is a precious time. Again, I find myself like I was in high school wanting this season of life to go on forever and wishing it for my kids too. I know that it won't though. If I would let myself I think I could already cry my way all through these golden years. I don't know why I am this way. But, I am not going to cry my way through.

Instead I am going to enjoy the time I have with all those I love as much as I can. And, I am going to let this knowledge push me closer the My Hope, Jesus Christ the Constant One. He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever. And, some day I will be with Him and all the ones I love who love Him. And, we will all live in the same house and it will never end. It will go on forever and it will be like a holiday, everyday.

Goodbye Trying to Be Good, Hello my Superhero

Somewhere during my first 28 years of life I misunderstood the gospel of Jesus Christ. (I am 32 years old now and the last four years God has been doing something very new and very good in my life.) I think I was saved before I went to be a "missionary" in Sudan but to be completely honest sometimes I am not sure b/c my way of thinking has changed so much. I used to believe that I could not save myself so I needed Jesus to die on the cross for me (and I asked Him to do that) but after that it was my job to be "good". Having this as the central belief of my life was frustrating to say the least and it was a life of pride because I was depending on myself to get better. I don't believe in self improvement anymore. There is only one way, humble dependence on Jesus. I need Him to save me everyday and I am going to hang on to Him until I meet Him face to face, just like Lois Lane hangs on to superman!

About 5 years ago my husband and I moved to Khartoum, Sudan with our two oldest children. We got on the airplane full of hope and great expectations of the ministry we would accomplish for Jesus in that muslim country. It only took 2 weeks for discouragement to begin to settle in.

The heat in Sudan is oppressive. We arrived in March just before the peak of summer was about to begin. In March it was about 110 degrees. The temperatures from April to June were more to the tune of 125-138 degrees. Yes, it is a dry heat but even a dry heat is still draining. You have to be careful to drink lots and get enough sodium due to the amount of sweat you lose during a day. Perhaps the heat would not have been so bad if there was central air conditioning there in most homes and businesses but there wasn't. And, I guess even if there had been central air conditioning there would not have been electricity to keep it running during the most needed times of the day. Every day the power would go out for approximately 6-8 hours. Somedays it was more and some days it was less.

The first home we rented did not have a generator to help us during power cuts. We were a little green and didn't realize how nice that luxury would have been. We also had 3 air coolers in our house (which are basically like swamp coolers home's in the southern U.S. sometimes have). 2 of our 3 air coolers didn't work. Being American we immediately set out to get that fixed. Alex went to the open air market where day laborers could be hired. What we didn't realize is people there would tell you they could fix your problem and would come and work on what you needed without actually knowing anything about what they were doing. So, the first week we lived there we had 3 different men work on the cooler and nothing got fixed. This was hard on our American egos. We expected, no demanded, good customer service. Every aspect of life was like this ongoing frustration. Our coolers broke, our plumbing broke, our car broke, our stove broke. The solution there was to try and patch it up somehow and if it didn't work, oh well. That's just how it was.

It took our friends about 4 months to get a working phone line. Everyday they were told, "Tomorrow you will get it, if God wills".

When we got off the plane in Sudan I was overwhelmed by the poverty there. It felt like I was living in "Bible" times. There were deformed beggars all over the streets. There were small children who would come and try to wipe the dust off of the cars we were in in hopes of receiving a few coins for their work. I thought my heart would break that first week at the sight of so many desperate people. It only took a few times of being lied to and used for money for my attitude toward these needy people to change. I am ashamed to say that a beggar would see me and start calling out "money, money" and I would try and run the other way or get into my car and leave as quickly as possible.

I used to hire street girls to do so light cleaning for me. I thought it was a good solution to some of the problem I was facing. If you need money, you need to work for it. I had tried giving them free food (like a banana) or something and they turned their noses up at me. So, I decided to try this. One day I had a little girl do some cleaning in my bedroom. As she was leaving my gold necklace fell out of her skirt. I began to depise the poor. They didn't understand that Alex and I were not as "rich" as they thought. We could literally give our whole paycheck to beggars and it wouldn't be enough. It would only be a drop in the bucket. The little girls were relentless in their efforts to get money though. They would ring the door bell over and over and over and over. Once I was on the toilet when they came and they would not leave. I yelled at them that day, some missionary I was.

I didn't only yell at street girls. When the electricity went out I took it as a personal assault from the Lord. Iwas very angry with Him. I thought if He was in control of everything, "why is He doing this to me?" Didn't I give up enough without having to endure countless powercuts? Didn't he see the painful rashes I was developing. When I would sweat I would cry b/c the salt in the sweat would burn these open sores.

There were many dark days and my emotions were all over the map. Alex and the kids would often receive the brundt of my anger. I struggled with my temper back in high school but always attributed it to my dad being difficult to live with. I realized during my time in Sudan my temper was not my dad's fault.

One night during a power cut I was looking at the window at the little shop across our street. Some muslim men heard the prayer call (why did the mosques seems to always have their power?) and positioned themselves to pray. I was so angry. I wanted to pack my bags and go home. There was no hope for these men. They didn't want me here. They didn't want my husband teaching the Bible. They certainly didn't want Jesus. But the Lord said to me, "I want them".

The cooking had to be done from scratch. My kitchen was pretty much 114 degrees year round.

Haboobs (dust storms) would come and ravage our house. The windows were not well sealed so there would be about 1/4 inch of dust on everything.

Anytime the kids got a fever we had to go to the hospital and get a malaria test. Malaria is very common there. This weighed on my mind.

Under this pressure I lost it many times. I was ashamed to bear the name christian, missionary, mother, and wife. Somedays I wished I could be banished to live a life of isolation in Siberia. I couldn't do any better. I was trying my hardest.

One Friday (the muslim holy day is Friday) I was at church praying before the service began. I was pleading for God to make me more loving. I had my Bible open to Galatians 5. I was reading the familiar passage about the fruit of the Spirit. How I wanted that FRUIT!!!! Please God give me love. Yes! Please Lord give me joy. Please God give me peace.

The Lord spoke. He said, "the FRUIT of the SPIRIT is...." The light went on the HOLY SPIRIT is love, joy, peace....... I had been asking for the wrong thing. I wanted the fruit but not the dependence on the Holy Spirist that would result in the fruit. I could not be more loving. I am born a sinner. I could not drum up joy in Sudan. My sin nature is not capable of any of these virtues. Because all the sin nature that we are all born with is capable of producing is envy, lust, complaining, gossip, etc. I could see so clearly all I could do is lose my temper, despise the poor, resent the living conditions there, the list goes on and on. God wanted me to give up my pride and declare humble dependence.

It was the begining of freedom to have this revealed to me. I needed Jesus to be my Savior everyday and fill me with His Spirit every day. Try as I might I can't drum up the joy, love, peace, etc. needed for myself to make it through this life. I can't be good. And, I have nothing to offer others of myself. Jesus alone is mighty to save.

Galatians has exploded with meaning for me. Galatians 3:1 says, "Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit are you now trying to complete yourself in the flesh?"

"I am crucified with Christ nevertheless, I live. Yet, not I, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me".

This makes me want to shout. I need Jesus so much. I love him so much. I can't be a good girl. I can't mother my kids, be a wife, be a missionary, be a pastor's wife without HIM!!!!!

It is so freeing. I am still tempted to try my hardest. To be a good girl and think I can do it. But, the truth is settling in now. I am finally getting it.

When we came home from Sudan I came home a broken girl. I cried everytime we were in church for weeks. I couldn't stop. I didn't really like to talk about my time there b/c I felt like such a loser missionary and it felt like everything I had to say was negative. It was a very difficult time and a difficult place to live. It also was a real life changing experience. I think it has brought me to one of the most important precious realizations in my life. God has been healing me the past 4 years since we came home. Yes, I do think we will go back somewhere, someday, permanently in God's timing.

There were some great positive things we were a part of. A muslim friend of ours did come to Christ and Alex was very involved in discipling him but I will save that for another blog, another day.

I posted a link here on blog spot to the Redeemer Store's free sermons by Tim Keller. My very favorite is called "Inside Out Living". Please listen for me! It may change your life, really.

http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_ID=11&CFID=1362084&CFTOKEN=37759933

One way morning sickness gets you ready for mothering

Published on myspace Monday, November 5, 2007

*This is a little earthy (a nice way of saying gross). Read at your own risk.
Until I went to college I never "threw up" alone. I can remember one time in high school getting my mom out of bed while suffering from a round of food poisoning. I threw up on the bathroom floor 4x (at least it wasn't carpeted). I used to wonder how my mom could stand to be a nurse by profession and take care of sick kids at home. I never thought I would be able to make it.
Then, I got pregnant with Adalynne. She is an absolute delight. My pregnancy with her was not. I was sick all day long. It died down a bit after the first trimester but unfortuneately the nausea never completely left. For nine months I made food choices based on what would taste half way decent on it's trip back up the chute.
Anyway, I threw up countless times during her pregnancy and now I know why. Tonight Sam got sick and starting throwing up while on my lap. I was covered in vomit and instinctually I put out my hand to catch as much of the spew as I could in hopes of savivng the carpet below me. I am not the girl I used to be.
So, to all you expectant mamas or future expectant mamas hang in there. There may be a reason for all that nausea and vomit.